Embracing negativity

So, someone I rarely talk to is being way too nice to me and I panic. Immediately. Or atleast I wonder if this person would be the next one I would have to stay away from for the rest of my life because well, I’m a pessimist. Welcome to my world where sweet gestures only spell trouble. No, I don’t wake up thinking that the world will end because that should be something an optimist should think because only then, you-only-live-once sort of concepts can make them ‘live life to the fullest’ even if it is by making a complete fool of themselves. Yeah, their corpses will have smiling faces and everything but being bitter as I am, who cares what I look like when I’m dead? I mean, the whole point was to not die, right? Now, do I see the glass as half empty? Nice question! I see it as something that can breed mosquitoes or atleast the part of me that has started seeing mosquitoes as a new enemy thinks so! Maybe a while back, I would have been too busy hating on things to care about a tiny glass of water.
Okay, so Mondays! You don’t have to be a pessimist to hate them. There should be a law against Mondays, especially when there is not a single day off during the week. And the same applies for extra classes and overtime work. Coming back to people, sometimes the logical part of me thinks they are just like me and that I should give them a chance. So I do. But how is it that the ones you get along with one day turn into evil monsters the next day? I have wondered whether it was my fault. After over analysing everything, I came to the conclusion that it was! I should not have let more people ruin my life. I do enough damage already anyway. So I become reserved. People say I have an attitude problem. Okay, let me loosen up a little. Well, I am way too open now and rude! Fine, I’ll just be a combination of both. And then I lose track of my identity so I choose the best option. Being heartless.
Well, that does not work for long (I know people who might disagree but they probably deserve it( I have the right to be brutally honest and use brackets inside brackets)) and the part of me that falls for all the flattery and the fake niceness prompts me to go back to being naive on purpose. And if a miracle happens and I do become sensible, it could go overboard when I mistake real sweetness as some way to lure me into joining a cult (not that I am not open to it if the clothes look appealing) or as most people are nowadays, try to find out what exactly they could want from me in return for praising my nail art and wondering whether they expect a praise from my side about something I obviously do not fancy about them. And then somewhere along the way, common sense steps in and says, most people have the same thoughts as I do or maybe they just do not find time to over-think and worry all the time about the most trivial things in life. But still, I wonder, if only all the people in the world could be real to each other without being mean and even someone with so much of negative thinking like me could say that there could possibly be no better planet to live on, not because the conditions are favourable for life to exist only on Earth (as of now) but because this is the best there could ever be. So, if you never had all these pessimistic (can it even be called that because somewhere at the back of my mind there is a false hope refusing to budge) thoughts arising in your mind then now, you do!

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