Over you, over and over

Why did I hesitate? I go back to the day when I knew somewhere within you, there existed the same feelings I felt for you, directed towards me. And you shrugged it off, didn’t you? Was it on purpose or were you hiding just like I was? But why would you have done that when you call yourself smart enough to understand the delicate intricasies of life and love? I hate to admit that I was wrong about you because you were the only surety I had in life. Do you pretend to be ignorant of how much you mean to me or am I the best in the world at putting up a shield? I know that you are the only one capable of pulling me out into the open, making me acknowledge that I would do anything for you, if only you chose to want me. If only you could understand that I can accept you with your flaws, that a part of me already has. And that it hurts to see you happy with another person because you and I, we are selfish people. You never were good at concealing your displeasure at my absurdities. As for me, maybe that was why when you asked me something for the first time, an irrelevant series of alphanumericals, I hesitated. My life could have taken a different course if I had handed you what I held dear at that point. You could have felt happiness in my company and I would have ended this war with my heart. Maybe we could have searched for the happily ever after that you never believed in. But my mind knew that if I bared my soul to you, I would be empty and dependent. So, I chose to find joy without you. The key to myself is still safe with me. And someday, I will find happiness in its purest form, with no mind games or ups and downs, forgetting the conflicting sense of excitement that you and I were about. I will know that I can live without knowing if you ever loved me like I loved you. I will feel the spirit of winning the fight that you thought we would both lose in. And I will find peace in having chosen myself over you.

We had a great past
But I’m past all that now
It could forever last
In our minds, but we walk to a different start of love
‘Things have changed, haven’t they’- you say
And I say-‘Things keep changing everyday’
You smile at me because you know I haven’t changed
And I smile back, loving the way you thought we wouldn’t ever fade
Reaching the end of the road with no more turns and twists
One last look is greater than sharing a last kiss
We could try to make it work, your eyes plead
I try not to look back as I start to leave
Stopping half way, I turn to look at you again
You still stand there hoping for my return, in vain
A smile crosses both our lips and we raise our hands
I wave goodbye and you drop yours after one last glance

Because there are certain events that are entirely in your control and sometimes, making the right decision makes you regret when you can’t stop wondering ‘what if’…

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