Something new that I’m trying. A series of fictional diary entries of people I may or may not have come across. The truth is conditional and so the option to believe lies with the reader.
I believed I was in love, a long time ago. And that was the best belief I ever had. If a love that I conjured up in my mind was so amazing that it made a poet come alive in me, I wonder what real love could do. After some time, I believed I had a broken heart. That was when I realised that a broken heart did not mean a broken mind or life. I wonder if I have ever had such meaningful days that I had the privilege to live, at the time I held the image of the sadness of a heartbroken girl as my own. Now, when I try to string words together on a delicate thread of thoughts that arrive when I am sleeping, it is not so surprising that a sense of melancholy prevails. Maybe it is because of the tiring effect of the late hours. But even as I lie to myself that the feeling will go away and happier thoughts will take over the things I write, I know for sure that happiness to me, comes by experiencing the shattering pieces of the predominantly disastrous thing called life, of which love, has the ability to dig a deeper wound and hence inflicts the most pain, something that is necessary to continue this quest of finding what I am supposed to write to make everything complete, including my existence.
Dedicated to the pen-yielding, fast-typing, mind-blowingly heartless writers. The ones who feel too much but show too little. The ones who observe and deserve to be noticed for what keeps them awake at night, their only real love-writing. The ones like me!
I dreamt of him again today. It has been more than a year and I can still feel his gaze on me, so vividly. What bothers me is that there was absolutely no reason for me to have dreamt of him. What is more disturbing is that this has happened before, several times. And since about a few months, it had stopped. But now, without a reason, he is back on my mind again. Even though I have shut him out of my heart, he crawls his way back into my life, unknowingly, killing me when his smile lingers on my brain all day, forcing me to write like this to get rid of him from my thoughts. Strangely, he succeeds when he gains enough importance to be written about, without even asking for it. If only dreams had a logical explanation! It was only after he left that he took over my entirety. Distance brought him closer. A dream-less sleep is the only thing I desire now. But I know for sure that he will be back. Not into my life, but definitely in those disturbing dreams that leave me heartbroken again. When I least expect it. When I finally come to terms with the fact that I am healed for real.
Dedicated to the insomniacs haunted by the faces of the people who keep you unhappy. The kind that finds ‘Inception’ playing on TV just after waking up from a disturbing dream that is way too realistic and dares to watch it again. Hope you have a good night’s sleep sans dreams.