Diaries of somebody familiar: 9 & 10

​A series of fictional diary entries of people I may or may not have come across. The truth is conditional and so the option to believe lies with the reader.

The insecure one

I’m not going to pretend that I hate my favourite song just because he doesn’t like it. I will sing it out loud, proudly. He can criticise my art, I’m not going to pay heed to his advice on how to improve. It is time to accept that I know myself more than he does. I know what colours to use, which ones are complementary and when to paint in black and white, now that I have seen his true colours. He didn’t save me from anything and certainly not myself because I never needed a knight in shining armour to come rescue me! I am the only one whose opinion matters, I could rule over the world with my dreams and I won’t change that belief because of his insecurities which makes him happy to consider me weak and in dire need of his help. But on certain chilly nights when I crave for his warmth, an appreciative tone from him of how beautiful he finds me or maybe just a reassuring look that says I deserve him, I feel my steadiness melting away, reducing me into the ashes of a self-doubting girl who wonders whether there was truth in his words that found me imperfect. And once again, I try to be a phoenix, rising on my own, all alone, discarding such unwanted thoughts and attempting to forget what he was to my heart.

Dedicated to those who wish to attain perfection. Know that you are not alone in this journey. The world is full of people like you, trying to hide their flaws. In the end, what you mean to yourself is what you should believe in. Remove negative people from your life and walk on with your head held high.

The achiever

Winner. Champion. First position always reserved for me, apparently. They think I wake up with the will to conquer the world. Negativity is obviously something I never would have heard of. Not always a people-pleaser since it is evident I only care about the impact my success leaves behind and even though it might seem easy to me, duh, I am certainly cautious of my competitors, the poor losers who lag behind and are the first ones to be jealous of my victories. How judgmental is this world to paint me in such a picture! Struggles kept me company at all times even when he didn’t. Time was never once kind to me, not because I didn’t have enough for my endeavors but because I lost him, slowly but steadily, with every tick of the clock. I have the whole world at my feet, waiting for the wise words to be uttered and yet I gasp for air between the prayers I reluctantly mumble, throwing myself at the feet of the gods I don’t believe in, for him to be returned to me. Was it all worth it when I scaled heights and reached the pinnacle to see the view when I could not catch a glimpse of him for the last time? Every milestone I achieve now is a hope, one to lead me to the cornerstone that is now ice cold from waiting too long to be joined by another soul, his final wait for me to give up the race and run towards him. My ultimate victory.

Dedicated to those who lost in love. Time is not always kind especially when you are constantly rebelling against it. Living a life wondering about the possibilities is not pleasant and that is why we need to appreciate the finer things in life, the important people and the priceless moments we spend in their company when we can, for these will be our greatest accomplishments.

And that’s a wrap! Thank you, dear readers, for supporting this series of musings! 


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