Weirdos in metro

Perverts aside, Namma Metro (by the way, that’s the endearing term for the metro train in Nammuru Bengaluru or fashionably put, Bangalore) offers me a variety of human spectacles on a daily basis to write/think about. As my life’s game has reached the level where I’ve upgraded from the BMTC bus (read Bus-inga for more details if the link isn’t broken like it usually is) to the metro train, courtesy of my new college located so faraway that the majority of the two years I’ll be studying there is going to be spent doing something I loathe – travelling, I’m a daily commuter who contributes to BMRCL’s revenue. The metro’s AC offers respite in the harsh summers that remind me of my brief Chennai stint, all thanks to global warming and in the chilly winters, people carry an extra coat just for the ride. People also carry huge baskets of flowers and I really don’t understand how the staff had the audacity to not let my scissors through but let these women whose livelihood probably depends on the flowers they’re carrying, to pass without worrying about the possibility of say, a scorpion, in it somewhere? Sorry, I’m just bitter because I really liked those scissors! And if the metro officials knew anything about me, they’d know I wasn’t a threat. I really wouldn’t gouge anybody’s eyes out with it, I think. Anyway, coming to the actual topic of this article – the weirdos! I like weird people, I’m one myself but this is a different case because the metro weirdos are so weird that they cross the threshold I’ve set for acceptable weirdness. Below is a not-exactly-all-comprising list of the category:

1. People who talk loudly on the phone – Yes, we get that you have people to talk to but why so loud, bruh? It is so annoying that I can’t hear the “Next stop: blah blah” announcement in English and Kannada because you’re telling the whole compartment about how much you’re angry with your ex for not attending your wedding. We all have problems, we just shove it deep into a tiny corner of our hearts instead of venting about it *loudly* in a public transport with limited options for escaping the wrath of the tired co-passengers.
2. People who take videos for tiktok/dubsmash/what-have-you with inappropriate Tamil songs in a crowded train – It’s uncomfortable enough already to be squished from all sides like a tomato being inspected before being bought. When the train goes underground and people get slightly claustrophobic, silly antics that require unnecessary movement in the restricted space and reiterating my previous point, making noise that interrupts the announcements of the destinations, just so that you can get more ‘likes’ on social media is what is going to get you ‘hates’ in real life.
3. People who sleep like a baby – How do you get this confidence that you won’t ever be kidnapped? Are you so comfortable in your skin that you’re unafraid of someone clicking a photo of you drooling like that? Or wait, are you drugged?
4. People with no concern for their privacy – Yelling out their contact numbers, Aadhaar card information and whatever else can be offered to the person on the other side of the phone call before the mobile reception goes off. How have you attained this level of chill-ness? Have you even heard of identity theft? Considering that we live in the IT hub, you really have to think before you let out personal information out in the open for intelligent people (with plan-less weekends) to steal.
5. People who don’t sit down even when there’s a lot of space and absolutely no need to play the non-musical chair game that can make or break your trip (and legs/hands/some other body part) – Is standing the new sun-saluting? If so, how many calories are you burning this way? There are people who are hell-bent on making those who are seated uncomfortable by deliberately stamping on their feet and pushing heavy bags into downcast lit-by-the-smartphone-light faces during peak traffic. And then there are the standing people who don’t really have to disembark on the next station and yet refuse to sit down on any of the multiple seats available during the lean hours. No, they aren’t particularly harming anyone or causing discomfort to others by doing so. But it’s weird!

Feel free to add on to the list, Bengalureans!

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