There have been a lot of face-palm moments in my life, thanks to you! Like when I was in the phase of posting cheesy lines from romantic songs as my status and everybody was so sure I was madly in love and you asked me who the guy was! It took me a lot to not respond to your silly question with a grunt and a ‘THIS you notice!’, equivalent to Ross saying ‘MY sandwich?’.
When you laughed upon your friend teasing us asking if he should move away when I proclaimed I was leaving for good and then later you gave me a low-key goodbye over a 40 minute phone call, I wasn’t sure if I should have screamed with joy or in agony. You don’t have Benedict Cumberbatch’s baritone but your voice was soothing enough that even when you called me a porcelain doll, probably chiding me for being too fair – like I had anything to do with it, I took it as a compliment, only to add that incident to my list of ‘the stupid things I would undo if allowed to travel to the past’. Foolishly competing with your basketball playing ex-girlfriend who went on to date my classmate who she is still committed to, by the way, even after all these years, is another regret I’ll take to the grave. But what tops the list is falling for a scaredy cat who could initiate fights but not meaningful conversations that could have led to something, fearing dwelling on whatever was begun by others, apprehensive about continuity and dousing the fire of my one-sided flame with a single blow. Disguising your interest in my life as follow-up queries to insulting my taste in music at a time we were so full of life that we didn’t know what to do with each other and the elephant in the room – our unspoken and fierce affection for one another – reminds me why I took solace in depression instead of your weak arms. When you make me smile at these memories during random moments, igniting my neurons’ imagination power six years after I’ve sworn I’ve moved on from the obsessive, self-destructive and inexplicable crush I’ve had on you, I know there couldn’t possibly be another face-palm moment in my constantly shrinking lifespan to beat that.
Too bad you won’t be having a Christian wedding because I wouldn’t hold my peace forever when they say speak now and my wedding gift to you would be a face-palm moment or a restraining order from you I would come to regret only after a few years from the event.
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